So.. Today, right now, I have so many things that I want to say. But I'll pin down to the most important thing I've learnt in this week.
You know how us girls are so so so x100000 concern about how we look, how people see us and stuffs. Just all that concerns our looks and appearance to others. Well, for me, I am that sort of girl who worries about everything about my appearance. I get paranoid with all the stares that the public gives me. Sometimes when I'm positive, I would be like "oh, too gorgeous for you?" In my minds ofcourse... Or even "too pretty that's why the stares?" But on days when I'm in a relatively bad and sad mood, I would be like "OMG... What's with those stares?" "Am I appearing ugly? Fat? Short? Big legs? My tummy showing?" All these thoughts... Are so ridiculous and not necessary. Nah uh!
Ok so, what does that have to do with why am I blogging about this. Well, recently, I changed my spectacles. To a larger frame ofcourse. For some reason, I find myself looking ok when selecting. I find it suitable and all. BUT! My minds only changed after I attended school the next day. Not wrong... All the judgemental comments started to come in. "Eh look at JiaEn" "YOU LOOK VERY WEIRD" X5 "y ur specs make your eyes look so small ah?" "The specs too big for you" "You look funny" FOR THE WHOLE ENTIRE DAY I'VE BEEN HEARING ALL THESE COMMENTS GOING IN AND OUT. Even the stares...
Despite all those comments and stares.. I came to realise one thing along the way. For some reason, i hear a voice inside my head telling me "it doesn't matter how others see you, what matters most is how you see about yourself" Yes, I was shock myself too.. To have that positive thinking inside my head that I never thought would and never imagine myself looking to the positive side. To be honest, I've never really seen myself pretty or anything.. I'm always paranoid with how I look. I have fat thighs and weighing as heavy as 55kg. Sometimes I would look into the mirror and wonder why am I born with my eyes so small... Why is my nose so flat.. Why is my face so big, why am I not naturally skinny like every other girls, why do they look good even without trying...All these thoughts just haunts me.. I have to TRY HARD to be good looking.
Above all these, the take away message I've come to learn and realise is that I am the master of my mind, if I think I am good enough, nothing else matters. No one else is able to defeat my thinking. No one else should be able to. The most important judgment that wins at the end, is still my own thinking. If I feel that I look good, ofcourse I will see myself looking good. If I find myself fat and ugly, ofcourse I will appear to be. If one leaves u because of how you look, then just don't give a damn about that "friend", if one judge you and laughs at you, just smile at them and forget it. And if you're like me, trying to look good and all, DO STH ABOUT IT. (This is sth I have to remind myself too btw cause I'm those who slacks off halfway. Oops.) but really, If we don't do anything about it, we're just gonna remain like this. Funny? NO.
I'm still trying. I'm glad I'm able to achieve this thinking of how my own judgement of myself is the most important above all the rest.
Before I end off, I have a verse that I would like to share. Just came across it from the bible that my cell leader has just sent to the group: "The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing" -Psalms 23.
another reminder, GOD LOVES YOU. He created you, so you, SHOULD love yourself as well.
Xoxo
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