-Reminder-

Guys I got something to share and I feel that some of us needs to hear. Especially now during school term. Recently I've been very fearful and lost in school. The competitive environment actually made me overthink a lot. I saw how hardworking my classmates were and I just felt so useless. I felt that I'm not gonna do well and I'll just screw up all my tests/assignments and will definitely contribute to a undesirable GPA. But then as I spent time with God today, I was given the image of this "🌥🌦🌤⛅️". I see how God is the sun and the clouds/rain are the problems that we're in. There are days where the clouds can totally cover the Sun, days where it will rain, heavily where we don't even see or feel that the Sun exists. But God is saying that He is still there. Behind all the dark clouds, The Sun (GOD) will always be there. The Sun is above the clouds and thus, God is above our problems and all He ask of us is to BELIEVE. 

Thankful

20/8/15, the day I've learnt so much in just one day. 

First, after receiving my first try of O'level mother tongue results, despite it being considered a very low grade, I miraculously didn't dwell over it. Instead, I thank God for it. My grade was C6. To me, at that point of time, was a big achievement. Those who are reading this might be thinking: "You're satisfied just like that?" For now, I would say yes. Cause why? 

1. I did not put in much effort for it.

What rights do I have to expect like what? An A when my effort was minimal? Then again, what should I do? Ofcourse the first thing that came to my minds was that to TRY AGAIN. This time, put in more effort. For someone like me, I really believe in how effort pays off with desired results. So yes, I'm going to try again. Harder this time. 

2. It was my best. (For that point of time) 

At that moment, I did what I could. For example, it was a miracle that I was able to clinch a Merit for Oral. All along I've been hearing comments of me saying that the way I speak chinese sounds super awkward. Even at times I was asked not to even use that language. But I came back with a Merit. PRAISE GOD. I believe that was my greatest achievement within this C6 grade. 

However, I learnt more than just this. As the results were released, tears filled the hall. I see my peers getting mostly A2/B3. And they cried. To many, first thought was "wth? That grade alr still want to cry? Then me? C6 how? Wouldn't they have just killed themselves if they were to have gotten it? ". That was my first thought too. But then again, I reflected at that moment and I realise, that we all here have different capabilities. Some expects more in certain subjects because all along they have been doing well for it. 

Other than that, I actually set a goal for myself. That I'll try to clinch a B4 at the of the year. It is tough for me. I know that. For a student who has always been failing chinese, sometimes, even getting F9! But does that mean I give up now? Does what I hear ppl say such as "Abit hard AH." "Hard for you ah", let it affect me? So what if it's hard? Does that give me a reason to give up? Or does that give me a million reasons to why I should try again, harder this time? I have a choice. 

Lastly, I also told myself that it is not the number of A(s) I get that is important. From what I see now, A is the model grade for distinction (DUH?!) and it's known for the best score. But now, I'm not gonna chase for the A(s) in my grades. But, I'm going to chase for the best I could get out of me. If my very vey very best is a B, then it shall be.

*self note*

 Don't pressurize yourself because of what others are getting. But, it's always ok to try and work towards your dream. There's nothing wrong with trying. At the end of the day, the only way to beat the rest is to overcome and beat over your enemy. And who is? It's none other than YOURSELF. Cause if you could win over yourself, you know you've won :) and I believe that it's the best grade that you'll ever achieve! Good night. 

It's only the beginning

Here I am writing this blogpost remembering my journey as a student leader. 

Back in Vietnam, I was not exposed to such things call "Prefects" or even "Student leaders". All I ever knew was class monitor and it ends there. However, after returning from Vietnam, I was enrolled into a local government primary school. There, i still remember how I was confused about the different attire that everyone was wearing. One being the normal attire, just top and skirt/shorts for the majority, and the minority was having their shirt tucked in and with a tie around their collar. Being the lost girl, I did not really care until hearing some of my friends saying that they are going for the prefect's interview. Prefects? What is that? I thought. Being me, even after an explanation, my head still went "???..." 

Ok, firstly, I had no leadership qualities as a little girl. I was an extremely timid girl who fears a lot of things. To the extreme where I can't even say good morning to a teacher personally with eyes on me. But then, everything changes and here I'm going to tell you more about it. 

Moving on~ 

I then had some problems and coincidentally, I heard that they are recruiting prefects and being a foolish girl, my personal reason of joining was to see how much respect am I going to receive if I were to be part of the board. (LOL IKR)  And so miraculously, I managed to move my way through and ended up being the minority. I didn't expect much, neither did I really care about what I was suppose to do. Yes, I made a lot of unecessary troubles but again, I managed to find my way out. It was not until the end of p5 till p6 that I started to realise how passionate and serious I was with this leadership thing. How did it came about? After being exposed to speaking to a crowd often. For instance, it's reciting the pledge and giving the command for the Flag Raising Ceremony. I found myself to be different after that. A lot different. I started to get serious with duties and my confidence just boost and my fear dissolved. Without much expectations, I was given the chance to serve the school as the Vice Head prefect. 

Being in Pri sch leader, we did not really do the major things. Just the minor in events. So yeah.. I then graduated. 

When I entered secondary school, again, after a few months, the recruitment came again. I was actually considering whether to be part of it or not but I recalled how I was encouraged by my prefect teachers in primary school to continue. And so I did. I also found myself being part of the school leaders family. Here's a photo: 

SORRY KELLY :x 

 For the first year, or even until the beginning of secondary 2, I doubt that I have actually contributed much to the board. I even had thoughts of quitting cause I found myself pointless being there. But for some reasons, I still pushed on. Being a very Follow-The-Rules kind of person, I just obeyed what I'm asked to do and do what I need to do. I then again, was exposed to the same thing. Reciting of the pledge and giving the command. From there, things just flow in naturally. I was given more and more opportunities to speak to a crowd and my fear eventually disappeared. Until today, if tasked to give a presentation, I am more than happy and willing to accept it. Thank God. 

As a leader in secondary school, I was exposed to even more things. From being a facilitator to volunteering for various events. Be it an usher, attendance taker, planning an event etc.  Here are some photos: 

Receiving bronze for Social Entrepreneurship project. 

2013(?) Sec 1 registration 

Prefect's training 

singa ambassador project 

speech day emcees. Ok, this one was under EL Society, but also, if it wasn't for prefectorial board, I wouldn't have been able to showcase my potential :) 

TLFO 2013 

UNIC CAMP 

Being backstage crew 

Somemore 

Collecting stuffs from house to house 

Before going to Society of aged sick for a VIA

prefect's camp 

Cleaning prefect's room 

Sec 1 orientation 

More! 

I am sure there are more than just those that I've mentioned. Other than just doing it as I'm tasked to, I found more wonderful meanings behind it. Not just the points gained but the experience was something that money can't buy. 

Moving on~ 

Reaching secondary 3, it was the year where excos are selected. Which means my batch is the next batch. To be very very honest, I was expecting myself to be in a higher position than what I received. Yes, I'm judging myself today for who I was back then. 

Being in the position which I was assigned to, Secretary of the board, I often felt useless and left out. Sometimes, even doing so much, the credits doesn't come to me. At times, I felt like "why am I even here? Do this do that also no one recognize. Put so much effort in for what?" Being a human, it's natural for us to be fishing for compliments. It just makes us feel good. Don't you agree? If U don't it's ok. Additionally, we want to be recognized for what we do and also feel involved. That did not happen to me. It was like a roller coaster ride. At times I feel the bond between my prefects and I are so high and at times I just felt that my existence was not needed. 

However, I only realise everything at the end. And yes, a few months before stepping down. I realise that as a leader, I shouldn't be competing myself with others cause they surely will be leaders who are A LOT better than I am. I'll never be on top. So instead of trying very hard to be better than your peers, just be yourself. Don't try to climb above others, but instead, above yourself. Instead of trying to be better, be at your best. 

Another thing: 

I have been trying so hard to be recognized for what I'm doing that I'm torturing myself. I realise that I DONT have to do things to be recognized for. But I do things for me and I don't need anyone else to see it, cause I know God is watching. Amen! All those greediness won't bring me anywhere, neither is it a thing that glorifies God. It is nice to receive compliments, but remember, don't let your ego go too high because of it. Don't let it make U feel that it's the maximum amount of effort you can put in but instead, let it push U on even higher! 

I am here to say that I'm actually very sad to be leaving the board. Only now, as I'm typing this do I realise how much I love the board. All the "scoldings" that I've did to my juniors, I'm sorry if I was too harsh. But we seniors wouldn't be doing so if we don't love the board. We want the best out of the board and that's why we're always trying to improve! 

To the upcoming committee (Idh a pic with all of U :( ) but I hope that you'll continue to bring the boards to even greater heights. Do a better job than we have done! Always support and encourage one another. Remember, don't try be the best leader as an individual in the team, but together as a team, give your best and I know you'll do well :) 

Out-going and incoming heads :) all the best guys! 

Above all, I would like to thank my excos for going through this journey with me. It has been a rough and smooth and rough and smooth year, but I am sure we all have benefitted from it and I'm very sure we'll miss it. But that's not the end, it's only the beginning of our leadership journey. So all the best guys! I love you all despite all the hateful days! Haha. 

Here comes the pictures: 

Much love for this group of ppl ❤️ 

Idk why I never looked good in Blazers. Especially this photo making me look like I'm at 70-80kg :/ But it's ok. With Yekai! 

With ZhiKai 

With Aloysius 

With davey 

With huiying

With leen 

With Joshua 

With Darren ling yo

With Reynaldo 

With XueYun 

With Margaret 

Swag Ayu WOOHOO 

With Shaahirah 

With Ernest 

With Urfan! 

With Gerald. I end up choosing this one haha! 

With Boss. 

The Lim family in our batch hehe! 

Proposal? 

I missed out a few ppl that I did not manage to take photos with :( but it's ok! Still got farewell to take hehe! 

Well, at the end, the moment we thought that we would rejoice turns out to be different than we thought. We may have physically left the board, no longer wearing the tie around our neck, but I believe that our heart still belongs there and forever will :) 

Tribute to Mr Lee Kuan Yew

It's been a mourning week for all Singaporeans and others around the world. 

The past few days has shown and taught me a lot of things. 

Firstly, I'm not born during the period of time where he was a Prime Minister. And so, I do not know how and what exactly did he do. But above all, until today, it has shown how SINGAPORE became a 1st world country from a 3rd world country. "We started from nothing". Mr Lee's passion and love for SINGAPORE allows me to take away many learning points. Despite those who disagree with what he did, he DID NOT give up. Instead, he continued to move forward and I'm sure he has proved those ppl wrong with just showing how well-off SINGAPORE is today. What has he taught us? If it's your dream, your passion, don't be affected by what others say about you. Because you know you've gave your best and that's what's most important. 

Secondly, Mr Lee amazes me. When he was around, he built Singapore up. Now, a beauty. And when he passed on, it makes me feel that he has not really left. Because he is still fixing and doing amazing things. With who? Us Singaporeans. Well-known as ppl who loves to complain. But over the past few days, ppl DID NOT complain when they queued to pay the last respect to Mr Lee. Even when encouraged to return home to rest, everyone still patiently waited. I may not have experienced what every other Singaporeans experienced in the queue, because I went with sch, but I'm sure that with so many stories that I've heard from those who went, it clearly shows that Singaporean has a ❤️. 

Lastly, it touches me seeing how Singapore United as 1 (Mr Lee sure left with his last doing by doing this) Encouraging one another to continue persevere on despite the wee hours queue. Sharing food/drinks/shelter around. It is indeed a heart-warming scenario to witness. 

Thank you Mr Lee. I personally did not grow up in Singapore, and because of that, I have to admit that Singapore is amazing. Upon returning, or even before returning, ppl around me has always been complimenting Singapore. Outside of Singapore, she is known to be a garden city where it is safe and ofcourse beautiful! Mr Lee, you've made a little red dot on the map well-known worldwide! Therefore, Mr Lee, if not for you, I will not be able to proudly say, that I am proud to be a Singaporean. I'm blessed. Thank you very much. 

Rest in Peace 

Hashtag life

I honestly don't know where and how to start this post. Really. So many things I would love to share but just don't know which to start from. But yeah... I shall start with something most recent. This blog is an impromptu one. Typing what and how I feel now so that in future, there is something I can look back to.

Well.. I guess I've been living a life where I try to please people. Giving in to what they say/feel despite being against it just to save the relationship between two person. Sometimes, idk what I'm doing. Why I have to do all these and what for? Does it benefit me? Not at all. But one thing that I've come to realise is that the world does not only revolves around me. I can't just think about how I feel and neglect others. My point of view and others aren't the same. I can be selfish and only be bias to my point of view. But sometimes, I can't help it but feel that way. That my point of view is not respected. Ok, I admit that I don't always respect people's point of view and strongly go with my point of view. But at some point... I guess I have my limits. I'm not as strong as anyone thinks that I am.

Bringing me to the next point:

Some humans are like crabs

Why I say this? Because I don't think that anyone is fully strong minded in this world. Everyone has their weak point of which would destroy him/her. Just like crabs. They appear strong and fiery on the outside, protect themselves with their pincers, but once you break them, they are actually very soft on the inside. This applies to us as well. Not everyone who seems to put up with all your nonsense and stuffs are actually ok. They just don't wish to tell you. Don't want unnecessary conflicts. Cause they know that the other person will never understand. OR maybe my statement is wrong? Maybe sometimes the other person will understand. But this person who is putting up with too many things don't feel it. Seen too much that just scares he/she off. Too paranoid. What can this person do, honestly? Afraid of things that would be revealed and cause trouble so just hide it away. But I know... No matter how deep the secret is, how much it is well hidden, it can't be kept away forever. One day,I believe things will be revealed and by then, I hope I know what I am suppose to do.

Blindly fitting in

Idk has anyone ever been in the same situation. But it's complicated. In order to keep one person by your side, you have to sacrifice so many things. One common thing is sharing the person you dislike. Yeah.. I admit that I have a whole list of people whom I dislike. Some of them it's hard to forgive, some, hard to face and some I want to forgive and maybe already did but have yet to forget. I find it a pity, to how in life you can't live to please everyone. You just can't have nice thoughts towards everyone. A certain someone will have a negative thought from you. Worse, you just can't help it. For me, as to what my father has told me, is that we all are being punished by God. Around the world, we speak different languages, every language has its own meaning of a certain word and because of the language barrier, we tend to misunderstand each other and cause conflict. Making us feel miserable and hurt for what we've done wrong and serve it as our punishment. But for me to say, even speaking the same language can cause misunderstand, don't have to talk about other languages.

But don't forget the bright side of this "punishment" we serve here. We get into conflict, we misunderstand each other, we quarrel, all these are for us to learn. I realise over the years of how the same problem occurs over and over again. From my point of view, why do things always happen over and over again? It's because you haven't learn the true lesson behind it. Until the day where you have fully understood what went wrong and what you shouldn't and should have done, then will that problem disappear. I mean come on, imagine your life with no problems, carefree and stuffs.. Good is good, but would it be better than over coming a problem and you know you've learnt something beneficial from it? Just like the feeling difference between plainly copying school work and working hard for it. Which one would satisfy you more? Having no knowledge on anything and doing well or having knowledge in a certain thing and doing well? Up to you to say what it is.

I guess that's it for now. All that I have to say have been said. I just went through a minor problem a couple of minutes ago, and right before I actually wanted to tear and my heart starts aching, I put a stop to it. (SELF REMINDER! READ THIS OVER AND OVER AGAIN WHEN YOU FEEL DOWN JIAEN!! ) Because why let something you know that in the end, everything will eventually be ok to affect you? You know exactly it's going to be ok so don't dwell over it too much. If you want to cry, cry. But don't let it affect you. I know you're stronger than you think you are. No one has the rights to affect you. Problems aren't gonna stay. Don't care about others too much. Give yourself some love an respect cause if you don't  respect your own feelings, who will?! You have a family who loves you, you have a roof to live under, you have almost EVERYTHING, what is the problem which is bigger than not having all these? things are going to be ok. Alright? God is with you. He loves you. Don't cry.

Changes (Part 2)

Oh so hi there! This is a continue blogpost from my back then blogpost regarding changes around me. Changes... Well I guess not much (?) as it has only been like a year. So yeah... Here we go. 

FASHION

I guess now I'm not not really into skirts anymore. From previous post, it shows that I was more of a skirt person, but now, I'm more of a SKORTS person. Yes skorts. So much that my haul from Bangkok has a lotttttt of skorts. Also, I'm more into I guess... Dark coloured clothings more? No longer the pastel pastel flowery kind of design.  Okok, shall let pictures do the talking.

    Ok, maybe.. Sort of like Rompers too! But with skorts as the bottom. 

    

    One with shorts ; I know I'm very blue

    

    One set outfit; I swear I was so insecure with those stretchable skirts around my waist that squeezes my fats and I was scared they expose. LOL 

   

    

    If you've visited or seen from Instagram, a romper outfit to a wedding dinner! Yup, those heels from previous post! 

    

    For this, I have no choice but to pair it with stockings cause it was too short :x

    

    This is so far the most colourful shirt I've worn. HAHA. I had to throw away the skorts in Bangkok because the idk what's that called was coming out and it was so uglyyy.

  

     

    Basically my airport fashion. 

    

    I love love love x100 this top that I got from Bangkok. So much I bought 2 colours :x and yeah.. Skorts !! 

    

    Yup, skorts from before. Paired with a blazer which I eventually took off because it was too hot. 

    

    And.. My last day ootd. Sad to leave Bangkok. And I'm still missing it now.

    

    Both top and bottom from Bangkok. And yeah.. SKORTS. 

     

    OH OH! I'm pretty into accessories nowadays too! Especially those necklaces and fancy arm candies. I do not have much pictures taken of them, but I guess here's some.

    

    

    

    

    LOOKS

 

well... Pretty much the fashion post has shown how much I have changed over the years. I'll just show two pictures. One from January and the recent one.

    

    I had short fringe back then, non rebonded hair.

    

     Now is long fringe; rebonded hair. I guess that's the only diff.

     PERSONALITY/ATTITUDE/BEHAVIOUR

I think throughout this year, i've learnt a lot? I've also come to realise how I'm more sensitive towards certain things. I can't deny that some of my decisions and reactions are still very childish and selfish. I've also let go off certain things that I thought I could change. Accepting someone/something for who she/he is. I think this is it for now. Talk about this year more in later posts.