No doubt...I'm back feeling rather down again. Though not wanting to feel this way but why? Out of sudden I'm just tearing everytime and strangely, without a reason.
NEGATIVE
My life is so difficult
POSITIVE
What about those kids who is dying to live? those soldiers who is dying to survive.
MY THOUGHTS
Honestly, we cant compare to them.. How we are going to live has already been decided before we were born. They have their happiness, their difficulties, so do we. In this world, there are 3 types of livings. The rich, the moderate, the poor. The poor envies the rich, but not knowing that the rich has their problems too. Only knowing work work work and forgetting about family time. The poor then would have plenty of their time to be with their families but then the problems they will face is financial difficulties. The moderate would be stuck between both.. sometimes have this, sometimes doesn't. A problem for them too. But at the end of the day, we are all human beings. What matters most is our.. heart. Must not be too greedy and selfish. Cause no one will know when a miracle will happen. Just gotta be prepared for what's gonna happen.
NEGATIVE
No one ever cares about me
POSITIVE
who says so? your family does.
MY THOUGHTS
It's true that " no one cares " is just a sentence that is full of rubbish. There are people who cares, just that we are not receiving the care from the person we hope would be showing care to us. I'm annoyed by how people will tweet about "NO ONE EVER CARES ABOUT ME" or "NO ONE UNDERSTANDS ME" when they themselves aren't letting giving us a chance to. As much as we try to, they don't allow and expects us to understand them. -.- does it gives any logic to that? But at times, u know ur family is there for you, but then.. nowadays.. it's always " peer influence " that are making friends affecting you more than anything in the world. suck it up then. Some friends are just temporary and as scary as it may seems, it's the fact that some of those "friends" that comes into your life are actually wanting and waiting to see you breakdown and suffer. For me now, I only can rely on myself and God who I know is with me. As much as i know he's there, at times i fail to do so. sorry. :(
NEGATIVE
I'm not good enough
POSITIVE
There are things you can do and others can't.
MY THOUGHTS
I'm not afraid being on stage. Ok, i do get frighten at times when I have to speak to a crowd.. But at least i have the guts to accept the challenge and do it cause I like to do so. I must admit, I'm bad at public speaking. But one thing for sure, I like to do so. I can speak up, just that I will get nervous and sometimes forget my line (soooo embarassing... I forgot my lines that day when i was emceeing for schoool's SMC alumni dinner) or stumble over my words (like how i always do when i do my duty on stage every morning) or even speak like a bullet train (occurs during morning announcement too). How? I'm still trying to be better at it.. i really hope one day I'll be able to speak better and get use to speaking infront off the crowd. so, if anyone of you think you're not good enough, look into the mirror, find something about u that is u're special in or daring enough to do that others can't and improve slowly from there until u succeed ! HWAITING!
NEGATIVE
I'm afraid my dream is too big for me to reach
POSITIVE
Since you've dream, surely there'll be a day where u will get there
MY THOUGHTS
If you all see this.. u'll most likely laugh at my dream is so impossible. I dream to be a star. An artist in Acting/singing/dancing like those kpop stars. Bet you're laughing at how foolish I am to dream at such things.. Want to know my reason to it? Firstly, it's my passion. I like to do be able to do things i have passion for. Just like hoping for a miracle to come by.. It just makes me happy being able to do what i like. and being happy just makes life a lot better. You know how a star could be sooooo busy over schedules that all they think of at the end of the day is sleep. Won't even have time to think of what's going on in life. That's the model life i dream of having. You will be too occupied to think of other things. Will I ever get to my dream one day? I'm not sure what's the first step to it still..
Haisz.. Now I've just got so many areas that I'm so stressed out about.
ACADEMIC
As Much as i'm doing fairly well, I still feel that I'm still not good enough.. My languages are a burden T.T c6 for both languages... I dont know... I'm wanting to do well, but i don't seem to have a goal to work towards.. Like not knowing where these results are going to bring me to. I don't have a school that I'm aiming for or a future.. all day i will just know how to dream my that impossible dream..that's my one and only dream i guess? ok, I did choose F&N as one of my subjects i want to take, cause i love cooking and baking.. but I don't have intentions to be a chef or anything... Also my maths.. It's getting harder.. and I'm gonna have troubles sooner or later if i'm not gonna practice on it. But it's just so hard for me to keep focus and study.. everyday I'll only look forward to shopping, watching dramas and then cry a bunch because i put myself into the character's shoes ._. ( weird i know )
CCA
As much as I love dancing, i don't know why i just don't look forward to chinese dance.. It's like a burden to me everytime i think of it.. But thinking of how i worked and trained myself for dance, makes me continue being in this cca and not giving up. since i've trained myself so that I can be better at the dance techniques, why waste it by quitting? Idk.. I just kept looking forward to stepping down next year.. just makes me feel very sian (boring).. I just dk why also that i kept looking forward to end of class... maybe i just couldn't be who i am in dance.. Having to hide all emotions and just focus on dancing.. Just makes me uncomfortable somehow.. I get tired in the last 1-2 hours of dance.. when my arms and legs are getting wobbly and weak.. Just hoping this would at least bring me somewhere one day.. make my effort worth it.
FRIENDSHIP
Idk as well.. ok, everything mostly idk cause i'm always unclear... recently, things sort of happened between me and a friend i treasure a lot.. haisz.. Even trying to be normal and cheerful like last time, we don't seem to get along well anymore.. it's like.. i was lost for a moment.. My tweets even make people think i'm depressed over a relationship or sth.. cause honestly, friendship and relationship are THAT close.. just that tiny bit is different. i just dk why.. WHY DO I ALWAYS CARE SO MUCH?!! WHY DO I ALWAYS TRY TO KEEP PEOPLE BESIDE ME?! WHY DO I KEEP TRYING TO MAKE MY FRIEND HAPPY EVEN IF IT TO SAY THAT I WON'T BE?! WHY DO I ALWAYS TRY SO HARD?!! WHY DO I ALWAYS GIVE IN TO SAFE THAT FRIENDSHIP?! WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ONE THAT IS WRONG?! WHY CAN'T I PLEASE MY FRIEND?! WHY CAN'T I MAINTAIN A FRIENDSHIP WELL?! IT'S TIRING!!! DOES ANYONE EVEN KNOW IT?! NO! ..... IT'S ANNOYING.. HAVE TO SUCK UP EVERY ATTITUDE OR TANTRUM OTHERS THROW AT ME.. AND WHEN THAT HAPPENS TO THEM FROM ME, THEY WILL GET UNHAPPY -.- WHAT IS THIS MAN.. I'm not even able to control my own life.. always being controlled by others...
BEING THE DIFFERENCE
I'm kinda annoyed by how everyone is becoming a follower to how the society is.. sometimes you just gotta be the difference and shine out of the crowd. Don't be afraid that your fashion style is different from your friends, because it makes you who you are. Don't be afraid to not have the device that everyone is having. Because it makes you the difference and it might even safe your life. why? cause without the distraction, you will be more aware of your surrounding. Just like how my Dad hates it when he sees me using my phone outside. once, i was looking at my phone and when i saw a few people crossing the road, followed, i did not realise a car coming. My friend pulled me back and i realise the traffic was still green light. Crystal, if you're reading this. Thank you! Conclusion? Everyone is trying so hard to fit in and wondering why they can't shine. If you're spending the rest of your life just being a follower, just following what others do, it's nothing new. So why not step out of your comfort zone, be who you are and make the difference? How about start being a companion to those who has been forgotten? Rather than just walking pass them like how others do... I became the difference among my friends when i'm out with them. I dress differently. I became the difference in front of dancers, who spoke up for myself that the majority will never to. Sometimes, becoming the difference isn't that bad afterall. though the period of time might be hard, but it's definitely worth it! But there is 2 type of people. The successful ones and the non-successful ones. The successful ones to me are the one who falls down, yet still believing in themselves that " I can still do it after standing up " and they don't let " giving up " take over them no matter how many reasons to why they should be giving up. The non-successful one are those that let " Giving Up " take over them. once they fall, they can't stand up anymore, even if they do, they do not move forward but move backwards and wonder why life has never shown them an sign of success. So will you be the one who will follow? or the one that becomes the difference and become successful?
Ending this post with a quote, "Being yourself isn't a crime, but it makes you special instead"
In life, just like me, many ups and down occurs, but what to do? you have the rights to make the decision. history does not repeats itself. It's the same problem, just wanting to see how you face it and how you're going to deal with it. will you deal with it differently? or will u still be the same and not learn from the past? all the best!
